Visiting Fenway South

It’s spring training time, which means baseball is back. During the offseason, fans had to endure a cheating scandal that has engulfed two storied teams, the Houston Astros and our beloved Boston Red Sox. Yikes!

As we do every year, we visited Jet Blue Park (Fenway South) to watch a game between the Sox and Braves (Atlanta). My daughter Sarah who is a big Sox fan, and her partner David, were visiting so we hopped in the car and drove about 70 miles south to Fort Myers.

When you attend a spring training game, your hope is that you will be able to see more than a couple of major league players that day. We were able to watch Rafael Devers, J.D. Martinez, Christian Vazquez, and Michael Chavis as well as one of the team’s starting pitchers (Nathan Eovaldi). Not bad, but where is Mookie? (Mitch Moreland was scratched before the game began).

It’s not easy to get a good seat even at a spring training game because of all the Sox fans in Florida. We were out in the right field stands but it was still a pretty nice view.

It’s amazing to me that a “practice game” is still packed with fans but that is what happens when you are a “thing”. We also got a nice view of the bullpen.

After a few innings, some of the regulars are taken out of the game to rest and its mostly minor leaguers playing against other minor leaguers.

So, now it’s time for our daily educational lesson. If you are a “baseball newbie” and happen to attend a game and see this sight, you will be able to volunteer the information that it is a “foul pole”, although some folks like to call it a “fair pole”. It’s a debate that is tearing the Country apart.

All in all a nice day. We saw a Red Sox victory plus a Rafael Devers home run. Last November, I made a “futures bet” on the Sox to win the World Series. That was before they traded Mookie Betts. Needless to say, I’m not counting on it.

Remember the circus?

When we were kids, going to the circus was a big deal. The circus would land in or near town about every year and it was an opportunity for all of us to engage in an activity that was more than a little unusual.

It would feature such things as the world’s strongest man or the tiniest person living or something odd like that. I remember paying (I think) a nickel to see what was billed as the “world’s ugliest woman”. Well, when she walked out on to the mini stage right in front of our eyes, she didn’t look ugly at all. The audience just looked at each other and didn’t know how to react. She curtsied, said “hello” and then walked behind the curtain. I always wondered if she was a stand in for the real “ugly woman”. Anyway, now that I am reflecting upon it, I realize how disgusting that type of categorization can be.

I raise this question because the other day Annie, my daughter Sarah and her partner David who were visiting with us, and I toured the “Ringling Brothers” mansion and museum in Sarasota, Florida. It’s a beautiful place, on many acres and houses circus tents, a mansion, and a museum.

After about 12 years of age, I lost interest in the circus. Somehow, the whole idea of watching guys in white make-up do silly things didn’t do it for me so I wondered if I would enjoy the experience of the Museum.

I was in line over a half hour waiting to get our tickets. Obviously, the circus is still loved by many. I was quite disappointed to learn I didn’t receive a discount after informing them I was voted class clown.

Housed in the “circus tent” building is a mural depicting the Circus in all its past glory

What’s a circus without lions and tigers, oh my!

                                             Let’s not forget the acrobats and clowns

Did you know that in the world of clowns, there is a hierarchy. Apparently, the “white face” clowns ran the show and other clowns took their cue from them. Who knew?

At some point in the show, an acrobat was shot out of a gun into (hopefully) a net

           

Guess how the owner of the Ringling Brothers Circus traveled from town to town? Yes, their own private railroad

Annie and I posing behind the mansion, which, by the way, is directly on Sarasota Bay

Sarah and David during our walk around the grounds of the museum area.

I guess I kind of knew about the great fire in Hartford that occurred in 1944 that injured over 700 and killed 168 but had forgotten about it.

The very last performance for Ringling Brothers was held in Pittsburgh in 1956.

 

 

 

Visiting Arcadia

My youngest daughter Sarah and her partner David are visiting with us and they like vintage/antique things so on Monday, we drove about 30 miles inland to the historic section of Arcadia, Florida, where all the shops specialize in selling antiques.

One of the main thoroughfares of Arcadia 

A number of the shops were closed but enough were open to keep us occupied for a few hours. I had read where “antiquing” had fallen in popularity because millennials and generation x have not embraced the lifestyle. Of the few folks we did see, most were north of 65 years of age.

We used to enthusiastically shop at antique malls and flea markets, always looking for that diamond in the rough. Who doesn’t want to be that person on “Antiques Roadshow” who brings in the item they bought for a couple of bucks at a flea market and is told its worth thousands?

However, when one reaches their seventies, it would seem the reasonable approach is to concern oneself with disposing of items rather than collecting them. (That’s the practical side of me)

The Old Opera House is one of the larger shopping areas in Arcadia

I thought about purchasing Mr. M & M for my front lawn at home but I live in a historic district and I don’t think ‘he’ would fit in very well. 

Not exactly my thing but I’m sure some folks would love these dolls

When I visit vintage stores, I look primarily for “comic books” although I no longer purchase them (unless its an incredible deal, lol). I started collecting comic books over 40 years ago because my nephew was really into it and I had him just buy an extra copy for me of whatever he was buying. Now, I have 750 comic books which I have never read and would like to get rid of. (Dear reader: Do you have grandkids? Don’t you think they would love a comic book for their next birthday? I know where you can get a nice one reasonably priced)

When I see a sign like this I wonder, “is that their name, a nice marketing ploy or are they just terrible spellers”?

Monday’s visit was like going back into another era which is nice to do on occasion.

 

Darcy Davis

Darcy Davis Oct. 18, 1926 to Jan. 29, 2020

The following tribute was sent in by classmate Steve Damon.

The Day the Music Refused to Die

When our Agawam H.S. band leader, Mr. Davis, died it was said to be “The day the music died”. Mr. Davis was a special teacher and friend to many of the Class of “64” and therefore I would like to share information that Mr. Davis shared with me about “The day the music refused to die”.   After retiring as AHS Band Director, Mr. Davis continued being active in the marching band community for many years in many ways. Part of this activity was with the Annual Band Day at the University of Massachusetts. Dozens of high school bands would gather in the fall and participate with the University of Massachusetts Marching Band to learn and have fun. Bands from New England, New York, New Jersey and Pennsylvania. A big deal.

One year, I don’t know exactly when, Mr. Davis was honored for his work with this group. He was invited to conduct all of the bands assembled on the football field. The field was totally filled with young enthusiastic band members. Almost one hundred sousaphones (large tubas) were positioned in front and center and the other sections of instruments were to the sides and back. Mr. Davis was high up on a step ladder directly in front of the tubas. The music selection was the Star-Spangled Banner or God Bless America of some other patriotic number. Mr. Davis waved his little white stick and the music started powerfully. Nearly 100 tubas were close by and directly pointed at Mr. Davis on the step ladder. Oh my God! Mr. Davis, a veteran director had never heard such a loud, overpowering, beautiful sound. Mr. Davis said he was overcome and spellbound and started to fall off the ladder. Hands reached up and steadied him securing him to the ladder. He was still spellbound, but at least safe from falling. At the end of the piece, when he should have motioned to stop the music, still in a trance, he kept waving his white stick and band kept playing. Every time they came to the end of the piece, Mr. Davis, still in a trance, kept waving them to repeat. This happened over and over a number of times. So much fun.

That was the day the music refused to die. What fun. Yea Mr. Davis.

“Reuniting and it feels so good….”

(Reunited was a song recorded by Peaches and Herb and released in 1978. It sold about two million records). 

For the past few years, Tom and Anita Bava have hosted AHS 64 classmates at their beautiful home in Naples, Florida for a day of socializing and reminiscing. Yesterday, was no exception as a few of us gathered to re-connect and catch-up. This year, Anita was unable to host because she was in Maine helping her Mom so Tom put everything together, with the able assistance of John and Ann Klenakis and Dan and Janet DeBiasio. We missed you, Anita.

Starting on the left and moving clockwise: Wendy Oppenheimer, Howard Mosher, Janet DeBiasio, Cindy Oppenheimer, and Dan DeBiasio (back to us)

Starting on the right and moving counter clockwise: Wendy Oppenheimer, Janet DeBiasio, Ann Klenakis, John Klenakis, Bob Oppenheimer, Dan DeBiasio, Howard Mosher, and Cindy Mosher

        Dan DeBiasio (on the left looking through our yearbook) and Bob Oppenheimer

Dan and Janet DeBiasio traveled down from St. Petersburg and Bob and Wendy Oppenheimer traveled south as well, coming from Bradenton to attend the event. As always, there was great food and drinks available and there was no shortage of reminiscing, story telling, and laughter.  The time went by too fast.

Both Saturday and Sunday morning, a few of us engaged in a fierce bocce game at the Heritage Bay clubhouse.

Tom Bava and Dan DeBiasio faced off against John Klenakis and Janet DeBiasio. Annie Klenakis acted as the referee.

The Bocce crew (left to right) Tom Bava, Dan DeBiasio, Janet DeBiasio, Ann Klenakis, John Klenakis

And, the winning team is?

                           John Klenakis and Janet DeBiasio (the game was never in doubt)

 

Just lean back

Did you see the video clip of a woman who leaned back in her airplane seat and the guy behind her objected by continuously hitting the back of her seat? Over a number of years, airlines, to maximize profits, have added more rows of seats to the planes and have narrowed the distance between rows making it harder and harder to feel comfortable sitting in “coach”. Now, it’s gotten to the point that passengers are fighting each other over how much space each is allowed.

I’m a capitalist, always have been. Even though I have spent all my life with non-profit organizations or government service, I have enjoyed participating in our capitalistic economy. Since my early twenties, I invested in the stock and bond markets. In fact, my first stockbroker was my high school classmate Arthur Foley.

A couple of times, I started different businesses. One was ‘Pacha Imports’ where Annie and I sold goods imported from Ecuador. It did okay but was more work than the profit gained, so we dropped it. Another was the ‘Konkapot Club’ where a friend and I sold “fishing hats” for fly fishermen that were embroidered with artistically sewn “flies” that resembled the ones fishermen used. The hats looked really cool and those who purchased them gave us great feedback, but it was before the Internet and we had too much trouble expanding our reach beyond a local fishing population. It’s hard to start a business when you have another full-time occupation because it’s not your primary focus in life.

While I fully realize that no economic system is perfect, I have always believed that some form of capitalism was best for a society, particularly one as complicated as ours that relies greatly on the characteristics of innovation and incentive, strong and essential drivers needed for a healthy economy.

That is the ‘good’ side of capitalism. There is another side, and it can get quite ugly, particularly when it involves things like lifesaving drugs and their exorbitant cost in the USA as opposed to other Countries. One example: last year it was reported that some folks were hiring vans to travel to Canada in groups to buy lifesaving insulin where it costs about $30 a vial as opposed to $300 in the USA. This happens when there are few, if any, limits placed on how capitalism is practiced.

I remember reading about Milton Friedman, one of the great economists in USA history who preached that business’s ONLY obligation was to maximize profits for its shareholders and should not bother about the greater good of society because that was government’s job. I don’t share this view and neither do many folks starting businesses today who are younger and more progressive.

Back to the airplane controversy. If you think its uncomfortable flying now, just wait. As airline executives feel the pressure from shareholders to increase profits, guess how they will do it? The incremental cost of adding more seats to an existing plane is far less than adding more airplanes to their fleet. And, they will be able to get away with it because when we “shop” for flights, what drives us: the price of a ticket or seat comfort? At some point in the future, planes will be true cattle cars, which makes us guess what? It will not be an instant metamorphosis but will occur inch by inch.

In the meantime, just lean back.

Play ball?

When we were kids, the term “play ball” had one meaning only, the beginning of a baseball game. Given that it’s approaching mid-February in Florida, the baseball DNA screams out for attention, so on Friday, we decided to embark on a spur of the moment road trip to see what diamond action we could find.

Fortunately, we didn’t have to go very far as the Atlanta Braves have relocated from (surprisingly) Walt Disney World in Orlando to North Port, about eight miles from where we are staying in Venice. North Port is a sleepy little town located right next to the coastal community of Venice but heading inland. It is comprised of mostly vacant acreage and was known as a community people traveled through to get from one place to another.

The Braves are attempting to change that and my bet is that they will succeed. Spring training baseball is no longer a “primarily baseball activity”. It is also, almost equally, an economic development endeavor. It has the ability, because of the large mass of people it attracts, to both create and dismantle the reputation and economies of Florida towns. Remember Winter Haven? It was the winter home of the Boston Red Sox for twenty-six years (1966-1992, Chain of Lakes Park) until the Sox decided that Fort Myers presented the better opportunity. Interestingly, before Winter Haven, the Sox spent spring training in Arizona. The Sox were instrumental in transforming Fort Myers from a sleepy little Florida town into a winter/spring sports mecca amid plush homes and neighborhoods. Such is the power of the baseball economy.

And, clubs know it. States and communities fall over themselves to attract teams, hoping they will relocate, using such things as “public funding” to help finance luxury stadiums. In the case of the Braves, public funding will make up $40 million of the approximately $75 million that was needed to support its creation. That is, essentially, tax payer money which should be aimed toward a public purpose, i.e., helping those who need it the most. States and communities don’t have an unlimited amount of public resources, so building a baseball stadium competes with building schools or other public benefits.

One can legitimately argue that the expected regional economic benefits outweigh the investment so its an investment worth making. The problem, at least to people like me, is that another “primary” beneficiary to all of this is the ownership group of the Atlanta Braves, Liberty Media. Liberty is a multi-billion dollar conglomerate that also is a majority owner in Sirius Radio, and FormulaOneGroup, as well as varied ownership interests in LiveNation and other ventures. In effect, the taxpayers of Florida are helping to subsidize the profits of Liberty Media.

I saw this on a smaller scale when I worked in local government. As a city (Springfield) that struggled economically and with tourism, we seriously entertained the prospect of attracting a minor league team. That meant we basically had to “poach” a team from another community. I discovered it was an unseemly process because it meant listening to the “demands” and “concessions” teams expect from communities in order to make the move. That meant we had to take public money meant to help people dealing with poverty and re-direct it to someone who was looking to make a larger profit. And, if we didn’t do it, another community would.

After a long process of negotiations, we had a deal in place to land a team from another state. So, why didn’t it happen? The mayor of the City felt so threatened that his City was losing the team he BOUGHT the baseball team for the City with public funds. Yes. Unbelievable, but true. Thus, we never got the team. Truth be told, I didn’t weep. It was one of the few times in my life, I wasn’t willing to “play ball” and, since that time, have wondered if using public funds for sports ventures should be outlawed.

Anyway, back to North Port and the Braves. They aren’t just building a stadium, they are building a community. Surrounding the ballpark are 15,500 acres waiting to be developed into lush homes and shopping centers with the ball park as its nexus. It will probably be a very desirable place to live in a few years as those with resources (who are also Braves fans) migrate to North Port.

Tom Glavine was a great pitcher for the Braves. Born in Massachusetts, he was elected to the Hall of Fame in 2014.

Another Hall of Famer and one of the greatest hitters to play the game, Hank Aaron’s career spanned 23 seasons.

It is really a beautiful park. Of course, it helps that its brand new.

The quote says: “My mother used to pitch to me and my father would shag balls. If I hit one up the middle close to my mother, I’d have some extra chores to do. My mother was instrumental in making me a pull hitter”. Eddie Matthews

We had lunch at the Tiki Bar located in the right field grandstand section. It was “very reasonable” given the cost of food and beverages at baseball venues. A friend and I once attended a Red Sox game at Fenway Park and he wanted a lobster roll. When he checked it out, they wanted him to fork over $29 for one. He passed. And, this was at least seven years ago.

Annie and I invited a couple to sit with us as the outdoor restaurant was a bit crowded. They were avid Braves fans, being from Georgia, and we enjoyed talking baseball with them. The advantage of playing fantasy baseball for 32 years is that I have a lot of useless information in my head about the accomplishments of former players.

My daughter and her partner will be visiting in about a week and, of course, we got Sox tickets for their arrival. It’s important to play ball.

 

Spending some time at the beach

We are not “beach people”, meaning we don’t enjoy sitting at the beach for hours, but we do enjoy walking the beach occasionally and Wednesday proved to be a nice day for a walk.

Some people come for the sun hoping to bake themselves into “well done” condition. There is a word for them in Florida: “crazy”.

We just enjoy being near the water and walking along the ocean edge enjoying the view. A lot of folks who walk along the edge of the ocean are looking for sharks teeth. I have no idea why, but some seem really obsessed with it. Our oldest daughter, Chrissy, asked us to bring her back some shark’s teeth so we found ourselves joining others walking along the edge where the ocean meets the beach looking down, hoping to get a bit lucky.

Below is a picture of Annie enjoying a solitary moment. I wonder what she is thinking.

                                Why did I marry this guy?

Being the investigative journalist that you expect me to be, I asked someone who was looking for sharks teeth, what was it about the teeth that made collecting them so desirable? Unfortunately, she had no idea and was collecting them because their daughter is a dentist and gives them to kids after treating them.

The picture above is the Klenakis collection thus far.  Annie found 19, I found 1 and we are still not sure the one I found is a tooth or a rock.   You can actually purchase sharks teeth if you visit Venice.  Maybe I should go into the business. I would offer them to each of you for the rock bottom sale price of $39.99 per tooth, but we promised them to Chrissy. Sorry.

We also discovered another guy who seeemed to be returning to his “abode”, maybe to watch his favorite cable TV show.

You have to wonder how much he is paying for rent, given his prime location. It’s not cheap being in Florida this time of year.

 

 

Klenakis – at the movies

Sunday night was the Oscars and, for those of us who stay up after 8:00pm (occasionally), it presented an opportunity to view what the Academy believes were the best pictures of 2019. I thought I would take this opportunity to provide my viewpoint on the great movies I have seen in my lifetime to see how that might compare with your most memorable movies. Let me know your thoughts about the movies on my list, whether they belonged there or not, and if you agree (generally) with the ranking order. Also, is there a favorite movie of yours I missed?

But, before I go there, I wanted to mention two movies we have seen while in Florida – yes, I actually do things besides golf and blogging. Annie and I recently saw “Knives Out” and “Ford versus Ferrari” and found both quite enjoyable. On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the absolute best, I give a rating of 9 to “Knives Out” and 8 to “Ford versus Ferrari”. Anything above a 7 on the “Klenakis-o-meter” movie rating is an absolute must-see. So, get off your keister, pop some corn and allow a little escape into your life by seeing a good movie.

Oh, and one other thing. My nephew, Garo Setian, wrote and directed a movie that was recently released titled “Automation”. If you have a Smart TV and can access Amazon Prime, you can rent or purchase it. Fair warning: it’s a horror flick but it’s also more than a little funny. Without giving too much away, it’s about a robot who has been deployed to work in a factory, displacing the jobs of a number of humans, causing more than a little workplace conflict. One day, he overhears the owners of the company discuss bringing in more robots to replace even more humans plus the new robots are newer models so “he” will be replaced as well. Needless to say, that last piece of information doesn’t go over well with “him”. If you do view it and you have the courage to see it through to the end, you will notice that the names of “John and Ann Klenakis” are contributors when the credits roll. Just saying.

Okay, enough of the blatant plug. Now, on to my list:

1. The Godfather – The original, with the great Brando. You are on the edge of your seat every minute of the movie.
2. Godfather 2 – This may have actually been a better story than the original, but it was not the original.
3. Bang the Drum Slowly – Probably doesn’t belong this high up but it’s a sentimental movie for me because it was a story about friendship, sacrifice, and baseball. It was also the first movie for Robert DeNiro.
4. The Graduate – The year was 1967 and we were all making our way into the adult world. It sent a statement that the old ways of doing things would not necessarily apply to us.
5. Dr. Strangelove, or How I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb. A movie that is hysterically funny and really scary at the same time. It showed us what a genius Peter Sellars was.
6. The Heart is a Lonely Hunter – This heartwarming and uplifting 1968 movie, based on Carson McCullers debut novel, was about a deaf man in the 1930’s and the people he meets in a small town. It starred Allan Arkin.
7. Rain Man – The Dustin Hoffman, Tom Cruise classic takes us on a captivating journey cross country and teaches us a lesson about, what else, empathy.
8. Annie Hall – Produced in 1977, it both starred and was directed by Woody Allen. While purported to be about modern love, it also was a love story to New York and made Dianne Keaton a star.
9. Midnight Cowboy – Dustin Hoffman and Jon Voigt star in a movie about two unlikely friends trying to survive in a gritty New York.
10. All the President’s Men – A great political “whodunit”. Redford and Hoffman star as Washington Post Reporters trying to figure out the real reason for the Watergate break-in.
11. A Shot in the Dark – I saw this movie with classmates at a drive-in and literally fell out of the car laughing. Peter Sellars as Inspector Clouseau, was brilliant.
12. Monty Python and the Holy Grail – Another movie that will put you on the floor laughing. The scene with the fight with the Black Knight was hilarious.
13. To Kill a Mockingbird – A powerful Gregory Peck as Atticus Finch in Harper Lee’s Pulitzer Prize novel about racism in a small southern town.
14. The Natural – Another great baseball movie starring Robert Redford as the immensely talented Roy Hobbs whose boyhood dream to play professional baseball gets sidetracked by a somewhat unstable Barbara Hershey, only to try again 16 years later.
15. Good Will Hunting – A troubled genius (Matt Damon) is helped along by a Professor (Robin Williams) who struggles with his own demons.
16. Nashville – In this mid-seventy movie, the lives of numerous people intersect in Tennessee’s capital city famous of its country music. I am still haunted by the song “I’m Easy” sung by Keith Carradine.
17. Star Wars – A space movie about “good versus evil” that follows Luke Skywalker and Han Solo in their quest to find Princess Leia.
18. Chinatown – A movie about the California Water Wars that was a multi-layered part mystery, part psychological drama. Jack Nicholson was brilliant.
19. The Big Chill – The death of a mutual friend brings folks together who were once radical students at the University of Michigan. The different path each had taken since college weighs upon their new-found relationship.
20. Lawrence of Arabia -Produced when we were just sophomores, David Lean’s brilliantly directed move is about a quirky lieutenant who is asked to act as an emissary between an Arab prince and the British.
21. ET the Extra Terrestrial – We are introduced to a friendly and gentle alien who is a bit lost and who falls ill while on Earth. The movie made Steven Spielberg a force in Hollywood.
22. Forrest Gump – How one very simple southern boy lived an exciting and complicated life participating in a number of seminal events in the sixties and seventies.
23. Hannah and her Sisters – Another Woody Allen film that explores the intertwined lives of family members centering around Mia Farrow and her younger sisters. This is probably the last time Farrow and Allen spoke to each other.
24. Spaceballs – Mel Brooks’ hilarious takeoff of Star Wars about a planet starved of oxygen trying to steal it from another planet. Rick Moranis’ portrayal of “Dark Helmet” was beautiful.
25. Rounders – Matt Damon stars as a law student who really wants to be a professional poker player and this story follows his journey through that transition.
26. 2001, A Space Odyssey – A futuristic science fiction movie produced in 1968 about a black obelisk that holds the key between the past and the future and the two astronauts plus its computer system (HAL) tasked to find out the obelisk’s mystery.
27. 12 Angry Men – Henry Fonda showed us what it means to stand up all alone against an angry crowd in this courtroom drama about justice, prejudice, and conflict.
28. Blue Jasmine – Released shortly after the Bernie Madoff Ponzi scheme scandal, this Woody Allen film explored what it might have been like for Mrs. Madoff after the scandal occurs. Cate Blanchett was outstanding.
29. Young Frankenstein – Mel Brooks’ funny take on what happens when the descendant of Dr. Frankenstein (Gene Wilder) re-creates the monster (Peter Boyle). Another funny Mel Brooks creation.
30. Miller’s Crossing – Gabriel Byrne (one of my favorite actors, by the way) plays an advisor to a mob boss (Albert Finney) involved in a feud between Irish and Italian mobsters.
31. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid – Another story involving friendship between two guys who are also outlaws on the run from a posse that takes them to far away Bolivia. Newman and Redford at their best.
32. Midnight in Paris – Another Woody Allen film that takes on the topic of time travel. The protagonist, Owen Wilson, finds he is more interested in the past than the present.
33. French Connection – Gene Hackman stars in a fast-paced crime drama centered around police detectives trying to track down the origin of narcotics entering the United States.
34. Apocalypse Now – A movie about Vietnam with a young Martin Sheen tasked with assassinating a Colonel gone rogue (Marlon Brando).

What happened to empathy?

Have you noticed anything different in the way people treat each other these days? Sometimes, I will peek at the “anonymous comments” posted at the end of news stories and wonder who these people are that are writing incredibly crude responses. It’s like we have adopted a new manifesto: disagreement=enemy=humiliation=threat. Why?

I just read where Gayle King, the CBS morning show host, has received death threats because she asked a question to a celebrity about Kobe Bryant’s controversial history with women, after his death. Whether the question was in good taste or not, we seem to be in an era where slamming and threatening people we disagree with or don’t like, is becoming the norm. This is just one example. There are so many others.

I wonder if this is partially happening because we don’t really cherish empathy as a virtue. I have been wondering about the characteristic of empathy and the role it plays in our society. Empathy is one of those necessary characteristics that is on every list that asks, “what are the characteristics that make a human being great”? In my opinion, the ability to understand and appreciate what another person is experiencing is truly a gift. But, unlike other admirable characteristics such as integrity, nobility, resilience, and strength, to name a few, demonstrating empathy can be viewed as a weakness at times, particularly with men. That usually happens when the person faced with understanding how to act in the face of an injustice or cruel treatment succumbs to the false belief that showing compassion would be construed as weakness on his/her part.

I grew up in a household where men were supposed to be tough and women sensitive. My Dad was a nice guy but empathetic he was not. Our survival and wellbeing were his responsibility and the characteristics needed to satisfy the basic needs of life did not necessarily add up to a warm and fuzzy feeling. We needed his strength, just as America needed it during the Great War. Sensitivity and empathy were seen as feminine traits and the opposite of strength in our household back then. When accompanied by male friends, it would not have been unusual to be snickered at if someone expressed empathy for someone undergoing cruel treatment. (I hope this is one of those issues that has faded away with our generation).

I’m not saying that men do not have empathy because we do, but do we value it, or do we regard it as a necessary nuisance? Ask yourself how many occupations require to some degree a level of empathy: Social Workers, Nurses, Doctors, Clergy, Teachers, Counselors, employees working for non-profit organizations, etc. Of those listed, except for Doctors and Clergy, aren’t the rest of the positions primarily filled by women?

The point is that our treatment of others depends a great deal on how we view them. Do we see them as “people like us” or as “others”? The former requires empathy. Just like you have to have a sense of smell in order to know that something stinks, it helps immensely to appreciate what someone is going through in order to treat them with courtesy and respect.

Technology has not helped because it allows people to avoid responsibility and accountability when expressing an opinion. It has provided the means for those who practice cruelty to do so easily and without accountability. It is not difficult to create a fake identity and post just about anything you want on Facebook or whatever, which can be viewed by more folks than you thought imaginable and the more these comments can be seen, the more normalized they become, leading to others who mimic the practice.

Even attempts to tamp down on insensitive and cruel comments can draw a rebuke of “you’re just trying to be politically correct”. Now, some folks might retort that what is cruelty to some might be just having fun for others. That is where empathy comes in and if we think that it is just a tool for the weak, then we are going to continue down this path of disagreement=enemy=humiliation=threat. That is not a recipe for a healthy society.

This is not a call for censorship but is an appeal to re-think how we look at empathy, particularly with men. I know women can be cruel as well so am not claiming this is an either-or proposition. I appreciate that we are in an era where women are looking to be seen as strong and that is great in my book, but they are not being asked to compromise empathetic feelings in the process. The question for men is “can we be both strong and empathetic at the same time”?

It doesn’t have to be one or the other. Does it?